How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
