margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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