Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
