also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the day after is always just damage control
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Randomize
