Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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