meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
