he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
