Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
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