I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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