I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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