I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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