You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
