I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
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I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
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I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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