I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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