You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
