There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
No stitches, just platelets and will power
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
