I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
