i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
