you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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