U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
