he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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