Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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