You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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