This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
