Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
