he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
