Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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