i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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