I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
