Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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