I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
