Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
