So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
