I think my fart just growled at me.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
