Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
