I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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