I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
