I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
