Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Randomize
