everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
