can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
