In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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