I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
