And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
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he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
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Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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