theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
