You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
