apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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