I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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