hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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