matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..