I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My dick has a subreddit
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.