I like to think it a success when the cops are called
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.