I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You're like the curious george of whores
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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