Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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