I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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