Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
