so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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