i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
