Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
