He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
