This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
