My liver just broke up with me...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
