bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
