Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
