people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
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Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
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You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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