I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
