Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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